Eight years ago, I lost my grandmother. U2‘s Songs of Innocence track, “Iris (Hold Me Close),” helped me through the grief. Bono wrote the song about his late mother, Iris.
For reference, Iris passed away when Bono was just 14 years old. He joined the likes of Paul McCartney, John Lennon, and even U2's Larry Mullen Jr. all lost their mothers in their teens.
To make matters worse, Bono's mother was rarely mentioned after her death. In his memoir, Surrender: 40 Songs, One Story, the “With or Without You” singer discussed this.
“I have very few memories of my mother, Iris. Neither does my brother, Norman,” he revealed. “The simple explanation is that in our house, when she died, she was never spoken of again.”
Decades later, on 2014's Songs of Innocence, the singer would attempt to find her. “Iris (Hold Me Close)” is a cry to his late mother. However, the song sent the singer into a panic. He tried to get it removed days before the album's release, but it was too late.
Songs of Innocence was released on September 9, 2014, the same date that he last spoke to his mother. The song ends with the refrain, “Free yourself to be yourself/If only you could see yourself.”
That wouldn't be the last time U2 used the line. On Songs of Experience, the band's 2017 sequel album, Bono once again revisits the lyrics in “Lights of Home,” a song about his “brush with mortality.”
How the song saved me
On April 22, 2016, my grandmother, who, like Bono, was proudly Irish, passed away. It wasn't sudden like Iris, but it was a tough blow. Growing up, I spent countless weekends with my grandparents.
Saturday mornings were spent waking up to the smell of bacon. My grandmother, we'll call her Bunny, was already making breakfast for me. We'd also spend hours talking as she took a smoke break, puffing it into the Brooklyn air out of her kitchen window.
These were my formative years. In many ways, my grandmother was my rock. Even when my family moved over an hour away, we'd talk almost every day. This was especially important as I went from a pre-teen to a full-blown teenager.
Our phone calls were like therapy. One of my cousins was pissing me off? She was there to hear me vent. If my other grandmother was acting up, Bunny was there to put her in her place.
While she's been gone for eight years, I liken my experiences with her to Ed Sheeran's “Visiting Hours”: “What would you do? ‘Cause you always do what's right,” Sheeran sings.
She helped shape the man I am today.
“Hold me close and don't let me go”
When my grandmother passed away, it was a hard pill to swallow. She was battling cancer for a while, but death doesn't resonate until you're at the funeral. Even then, I remember constantly waiting for her to appear from the side, pranking all of us.
That didn't happen. And there's still a void in my heart that's only exemplified when I go back to Brooklyn. Her last words to me were that I was her favorite grandchild. This came as a shock to no one, but the affirmation was something I'll never forget.
But I wasn't the only one hurting. My mother was especially close to my grandmother. So, I felt the need to be strong in a time of sorrow. If I was there for my mom, who was there for me?
This was around the time I became a U2 fan. I'd argue that seeing them on the “Innocence + Experience” tour sold me on the group, as Bono sang about his childhood, his first crush (Ali), and losing his mom.
During the “Innocence + Experience” show, Bono sings as a loop of Iris running in circles is shown amongst the stars. Even if I saw the tour almost a year before my grandmother's death, it weirdly prepped me.
This doesn't seem very rock and roll, I thought, oblivious of what was to come in the following year. But I still kinda like it.
I then began exploring the band's back catalog. The Joshua Tree and the band's early work made me a fan, but it was Songs of Innocence that stuck with me.
Why “Iris” struck a chord
“Iris (Hold Me Close)” was a poignant look at a man, now in his fifties, writing about losing his mother. The tone is immediately set by Bono in the opening lines: “The star that gives us light/Has been gone a while/But it's not an illusion/The ache in my heart/Is so much a part of who I am,” he croons.
In the chorus, he pleads to his late mother: “Hold me close and don't let me go/Hold me close like I'm someone that you might know.”
The middle eight of the song is where it tugged on the heartstrings. Bono sings about remembering Iris “standing in the hall,” telling him that he “can do it all” — that's the kind of support a mother (or grandmother) can provide. She wakes to his nightmares, telling him “Don't fear the world, it isn't there.”
At the end of the song, the “Free yourself, to be yourself, if only you could see yourself” refrain feels like it was written from Iris' point of view. It's as if she's telling Bono to unlock the ultimate version of himself. The pain of losing his mom has stayed with him for decades, but it appears that he's finally finding some catharsis to free himself within this song.
I know that my grandmother is watching me from above. It stinks that I'll never get one last phone call or that she won't be at my wedding. But the song helped me “free myself” of the grief and live a life she'd be proud of.
Bono's Songs of Innocence era
Songs of Innocence kicked off a Bono-centric era of U2. It was followed by Songs of Experience, which consisted of 13 letters to the singer's loved ones after his near-death experience. He subsequently released his memoir, embarked on a solo tour, and recorded Songs of Surrender, a collection of 40 songs from U2's catalog that were reworked and re-recorded.
U2 is also fresh off their first-ever concert residency in Las Vegas. They played 40 nights at the Sphere from September 29, 2023, to March 2, 2024.
I've always felt close to U2's music. After all, I credit them for “saving my life.” They helped me through the loss of my grandmother and a tumultuous early college journey. To that end, thank you, Bono.
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